Forgiveness is one of the most important things in life.
There are not many people that I know who might agree with me,
but I know in my heart, that you always need to forgive.
I don't generally hold grudges, and I have always been able to forgive
someone when they're sorry and apologize.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
Today I am accepting the cold, hard fact, that one must learn to
forgive EVEN when the person you are forgiving is not sorry,
will never apologize and hates your guts! lol.
Well, that's a little extreme, but you get the point, right?
So you might be asking yourself, why do you have to forgive?
Well, it's simple:
You need to forgive in order to be forgiven.
I have never been one to shove religion down anyones throat,
but Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins.
This means that every time you lie, you're forgiven.
Every time you hurt someone intentionally, you're forgiven.
Every time you talk badly about someone, you're forgiven.
If you kill someone, you are forgiven!
There is nothing that you can do to separate you from the love of God,
but you need to learn to forgive people for their imperfections
and realize that despite the mean and nasty things that they go out
of their way to do to you, you will forgive them no matter what.
Now, I realize this may be a lot for you guys to take in and understand.
There are not a lot of forgiving people in this world.
But putting religion and faith aside, grudges are consuming.
They are negative energy that pollutes our universe.
Do you really want to be that person?
That nasty, dirty, black grudge that you are harboring,
isn't hurting the one you are mad at.
It's really only hurting you in the end.
You go out of your way to make it known that you're mad.
You go out of your way to spread lies and bash ones name.
You think you've won and that you aren't going to let this person
have an effect on you...
Well, you are only showing how much you care.
You are showing how much energy you are wasting on this grudge.
You are creating negative drama.
This is very immature.
I'm going to tell you guys how to forgive in just a few steps.
Just remember, forgiveness can take time.
Take the time you need to get over your hurt, but always remember
to have forgiveness in your heart.
Express Yourself
When contemplating forgiveness, it may or may not be helpful to
address (in a non threatening way) how this person hurt you.
It would be a very good idea if you have any hopes of salvaging your
friendship. However, if you would just like to let sleeping dogs lie and
move on, this may not be necessary.
In a case like that, you may want to write a letter describing your feelings,
then tear it up or burn it and move on.
It is important to be able to put your feelings into words, and not just in your head.
It is a part of healing and letting go.
People don’t need to know that you’ve forgiven them;
forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.
Look for Positivity
Like we discussed above, journaling and or writing a letter describing your
feelings can really help you process what happened and let go;
However, the WAY you write about it and what you focus on, can make all
the difference in how easy it becomes to forgive!
Think of it this way:
Yah, the situation was shitty, but if it didn't happen, I would have never...
Research has shown that writing about the benefits you've gotten out of a
negative situation (rather than focusing on the emotions you have surrounding it)
can actually help you forgive and move on more easily.
So, pick up a pen and start writing the next time someone wants to bring you down.
Find the silver lining, and you'll be the one smiling in the end.
Cultivate Empathy
While you don't agree with what the person did to you, it helps to try and put yourself
in their shoes. Research has shown that empathy, (especially in men) is associated with
forgiveness and can actually make the process easier.
Instead of seeing them as 'the enemy', try and understand what they were dealing
with on their end when they hurt you; Where they going through a difficult time in their life?,
Have you ever made a similar mistake?
Try and remember the good qualities of the person, and assume their motives were not
to intentionally hurt you,(unless you have clear indications otherwise)
you may find it easier to forgive.
Stop Telling The Story
This one is tough.
How many times this week did you tell 'the story' of how this person fucked you over,
and how you can't believe they did that?
How many times a day do you think about this hurt?
Stop telling the story from your perspective, and try telling the story as the other person.
Actually imagine that you are the other person, and use "I" when saying what they would say.
Sit down with a friend, or maybe even the person that hurt you, and try re-telling the story
as though you are that person.
It s important to do this verbally, and not just in your head.
Realize in advance that this is a very difficult exercise, but it holds great power.
Just your willingness to put yourself in the other persons shoes, and tell the story as if you were
them, requires a little forgiveness in itself.
Also, realize that this is not a contradiction to the preceding paragraph
since this perspective will change your story.
Protect Yourself and Move On
A lot of people find it difficult to forgive because they see it as a sign of weakness,
leaving you open to be hurt by the same person in the future.
It is important to understand that forgiving is not the same as condoning an offending
action, and that it's OK to include self-protective plans for the future as part of your
forgiveness process.
You know the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"?
It's an example showing you to be aware of your actions.
Remember the things that you may have done or said to get yourself into tricky situations
in the past, and try to learn from those situations and avoid them in the future.
Get Help If You Need It
Sometimes it can be more difficult to forget the past and forgive, especially if the
acts were ongoing and/or traumatic.
If you're still having difficulty forgiving someone who's wronged you in a
significant way, you may have better success working with a professional
to help unburden yourself from harboring these feelings.
When you've been hurt, forgiving is probably the last thing on your mind,
and can be very difficult. I hope that these steps help you in your journey
of letting go of stress and moving forward.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
"Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."
"The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them." Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999.
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than for being right.”
