CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD

I keep hearing these horror stories from my girlfriends who have gone out with a bunch of "Modern Men" (Lol) and I am appalled and astonished that being a Gentleman doesn't come more naturally!

Being Chivalrous is easy, very necessary and expected by all women!

Just because she doesn't say anything when you're walking ahead of her, not opening her door, or not even offering to buy her breakfast the next morning.... She notices and probably tells all her friends and then they all think you're wack or cheap or something.

One of my friends dated this guy who actually took her for breakfast at McDonalds after staying at her house and didn't even offer to pay for her meal! We told her to drop him ASAP. That was so disrespectful and such a turn off.

I understand that we live in a time where women are more independent and self sufficient, but don't ever think for 1 second that she doesn't want or deserve to be treated like the Princess she is.

The question is: Is she worth it?

If yes, read on and see how the simplest gestures will make her want to give you everything.

If no, keep being a bum until she realizes you aren't worth it either!

Enjoy! :)

1. Hold the door open for her.

This should be a reflex, not something a man has to think long and hard about before doing.

Sadly, it's more the latter these days.

2. Open the car door for her.

Same basic idea. If you're picking her up, open her car door. If you're picking her up and she's waiting for you at the curb when you pull up, you should still at least open it from the inside. You don't *need* to get out and open her door when dropping her off at home, but a clever man will do precisely that; you're more likely to get a goodnight kiss that way.

3. Help her with her coat.

This is such a courteous thing to do. I love it when a man helps me with my coat. It's sexy, it's endearing, it says you care, and it provides an opportunity for physical contact. And, hello? Who doesn't want more of that?

4. Help her with her chair.

Pull her chair out and hold it while she sits down. It's really that simple. Nevertheless, this can prove awkward for some. If that's the case, at least wait until she's seated before you sit down yourself.

5. Help her if she's carrying something heavy.

I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't love the idea of a big strong man helping her with something. It makes us feel feminine, and most of us like feeling feminine :)

6. Take her on dates and pick up the cheque

A true gentleman never takes a lady out on a date and lets her pay. I don't care if she offers, you NEVER let her pay! She's just being polite and if you fall into that trap, she'll be very disheartened and think you're cheap.

This is the biggest mistake you can make!

7. Walk her to her door

I swear, no one does this anymore, but it's a nice gesture and it shows you're protective of her. There is something very sexy about a man who wants to protect his woman... And it's much easier to show her this by simply walking her to her door instead of getting into a fight to prove it!

Show her you care and that you want to make sure she gets in safely. Do it. You might not make it back to the car.

I really hope this helps you confused men out there, and ladies, never settle for anything less than this!

You're worth more! If he doesn't do these things it's because he doesn't think you're worth the extra effort.

Happy dating!

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

So, I just finished watching Steve Harvey's segment on Oprah.
He was on the show, promoting his new #1 Bestselling book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man".
The book was supposedly written to empower women, and shed some insight into the mind of a man,
and what he's really all about when it comes to relationships, sex and commitment.

Here's my take on it:

Steve stated that men need 3 things: Support, Love and The Cookie (aka hot sex).
He also suggested a 90 day waiting period before doing the deed.
According to Mr. Harvey, if you don't wait 90 days, it won't work out.
Steve says if you change the probation period, you do so at your own risk. "You all keep changing the rules. And men are aware of the fact that you are changing the rules. We're aware of the fact that you act desperate."
So if you have sex before 3 months, you're a desperate woman? Please!
And what rules?? The rules Steve Harvey made up??!!

I don't like games. We are living our lives. There are no rules!!

Now, here's my issue with this:
As women, we DO hold a lot of power. We are strong, nurturing, beautiful beings.
In my opinion, there is nothing weak about a beautiful woman who knows what she wants.
And if she wants to have sex with a man that she's genuinely into, anytime under the 3 month mark,
that should be her prerogative.
If the man that she gave her "cookie" to has a problem with that, and thinks she's easy and the chase is over *ROLLS EYES*
then he wasn't worth your time and energy to begin with!

Now, I'm not suggesting that you should just give it away to anyone at anytime;
I'm just simply stating MY OPINION, and I think that you should use your instincts and feel it out.
As women, we are blessed with great intuition.
If it doesn't feel right, that's because it's wrong.
Plain and simple.
Usually, you can tell if someone is into you.
You know if it's genuinely reciprocated, or if it's just a booty call.
I say, just use your discretion.
Be yourself.

Steve, then proceeded to go into an elaborate explanation about women setting the bar too low, and how they hold all the cards and have all the power.
I agree.
A lot of women don't set the bar high enough.
I feel that your boyfriend (or love interest) is a reflection of you, and how you feel about yourself.
There is no reason why you wouldn't want the best for yourself.
You should be treated like gold.
You should be taken care of.
You should be respected.
A lot of women just take what they can get. They settle.
I think that it's a pretty clear sign of insecurity.
Cherish yourself, and you will be cherished!

That was one of Mr. Harvey's good points.

But then he went on and on about cookies and rules and territory...

I just don't like how Steve Harvey is selling this formula to lonely, single women in America who will eat this shit up!
It takes away from just being real.
So what if your man texts you? That was another thing he said that pissed me off.
He basically said that if your man is texting you, then you have nothing.
"We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody."
Sure, that's true... if you're a dog!
We live in an electronic world. It isn't always convenient to pick up the phone and have a conversation.
I don't think that your WHOLE relationship should be one big text message,
However, I don't think that texting is a serious issue in most cases.

Here's something I agree with:
taken from Oprah.com

The Introduction
In his book, Steve says the way a man introduces you gives good insight into the status of your relationship. If a man introduces you as a friend or says your name with no title at all, Steve says you have nothing. "We're very protective. We mark our territory. If a man loves you…he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something," he says. "If he's introducing you after six months, 'This is…Oprah,' you should be standing there going, 'This is going nowhere.'"

I think the bottom line is this:
Know your worth.
Don't stand for nonsense.
Always be honest with each other.

If you do THESE 3 things, you'll have no problems, and you won't have to buy a book on dating advice, written by a not-so-funny comedian.

If it was Dave Chapelle, maybe I'd buy it, but it's Steve Harvey.

That's mad wack.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most important things in life.
There are not many people that I know who might agree with me,
but I know in my heart, that you always need to forgive.

I don't generally hold grudges, and I have always been able to forgive
someone when they're sorry and apologize.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
Today I am accepting the cold, hard fact, that one must learn to
forgive EVEN when the person you are forgiving is not sorry,
will never apologize and hates your guts! lol.
Well, that's a little extreme, but you get the point, right?

So you might be asking yourself, why do you have to forgive?
Well, it's simple:
You need to forgive in order to be forgiven.
I have never been one to shove religion down anyones throat,
but Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins.

This means that every time you lie, you're forgiven.
Every time you hurt someone intentionally, you're forgiven.
Every time you talk badly about someone, you're forgiven.
If you kill someone, you are forgiven!

There is nothing that you can do to separate you from the love of God,
but you need to learn to forgive people for their imperfections
and realize that despite the mean and nasty things that they go out
of their way to do to you, you will forgive them no matter what.

Now, I realize this may be a lot for you guys to take in and understand.
There are not a lot of forgiving people in this world.
But putting religion and faith aside, grudges are consuming.
They are negative energy that pollutes our universe.
Do you really want to be that person?
That nasty, dirty, black grudge that you are harboring,
isn't hurting the one you are mad at.
It's really only hurting you in the end.

You go out of your way to make it known that you're mad.
You go out of your way to spread lies and bash ones name.
You think you've won and that you aren't going to let this person
have an effect on you...
Well, you are only showing how much you care.
You are showing how much energy you are wasting on this grudge.
You are creating negative drama.
This is very immature.

I'm going to tell you guys how to forgive in just a few steps.
Just remember, forgiveness can take time.
Take the time you need to get over your hurt, but always remember
to have forgiveness in your heart.



Express Yourself

When contemplating forgiveness, it may or may not be helpful to
address (in a non threatening way) how this person hurt you.
It would be a very good idea if you have any hopes of salvaging your
friendship. However, if you would just like to let sleeping dogs lie and
move on, this may not be necessary.
In a case like that, you may want to write a letter describing your feelings,
then tear it up or burn it and move on.
It is important to be able to put your feelings into words, and not just in your head.
It is a part of healing and letting go.
People don’t need to know that you’ve forgiven them;
forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.


Look for Positivity

Like we discussed above, journaling and or writing a letter describing your
feelings can really help you process what happened and let go;
However, the WAY you write about it and what you focus on, can make all
the difference in how easy it becomes to forgive!
Think of it this way:
Yah, the situation was shitty, but if it didn't happen, I would have never...
Research has shown that writing about the benefits you've gotten out of a
negative situation (rather than focusing on the emotions you have surrounding it)
can actually help you forgive and move on more easily.
So, pick up a pen and start writing the next time someone wants to bring you down.
Find the silver lining, and you'll be the one smiling in the end.


Cultivate Empathy

While you don't agree with what the person did to you, it helps to try and put yourself
in their shoes. Research has shown that empathy, (especially in men) is associated with
forgiveness and can actually make the process easier.
Instead of seeing them as 'the enemy', try and understand what they were dealing
with on their end when they hurt you; Where they going through a difficult time in their life?,
Have you ever made a similar mistake?
Try and remember the good qualities of the person, and assume their motives were not
to intentionally hurt you,(unless you have clear indications otherwise)
you may find it easier to forgive.



Stop Telling The Story

This one is tough.
How many times this week did you tell 'the story' of how this person fucked you over,
and how you can't believe they did that?
How many times a day do you think about this hurt?
Stop telling the story from your perspective, and try telling the story as the other person.
Actually imagine that you are the other person, and use "I" when saying what they would say.
Sit down with a friend, or maybe even the person that hurt you, and try re-telling the story
as though you are that person.
It s important to do this verbally, and not just in your head.
Realize in advance that this is a very difficult exercise, but it holds great power.
Just your willingness to put yourself in the other persons shoes, and tell the story as if you were
them, requires a little forgiveness in itself.
Also, realize that this is not a contradiction to the preceding paragraph
since this perspective will change your story.


Protect Yourself and Move On

A lot of people find it difficult to forgive because they see it as a sign of weakness,
leaving you open to be hurt by the same person in the future.
It is important to understand that forgiving is not the same as condoning an offending
action, and that it's OK to include self-protective plans for the future as part of your
forgiveness process.
You know the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"?
It's an example showing you to be aware of your actions.
Remember the things that you may have done or said to get yourself into tricky situations
in the past, and try to learn from those situations and avoid them in the future.


Get Help If You Need It

Sometimes it can be more difficult to forget the past and forgive, especially if the
acts were ongoing and/or traumatic.
If you're still having difficulty forgiving someone who's wronged you in a
significant way, you may have better success working with a professional
to help unburden yourself from harboring these feelings.


When you've been hurt, forgiving is probably the last thing on your mind,
and can be very difficult. I hope that these steps help you in your journey
of letting go of stress and moving forward.





"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

"Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."

"The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them." Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

“People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than for being right.”

R.I.P Brad Carlton

So it's official. I have been hearing rumors for months about Brad Carlton being written off Y&R.
I didn't know for sure that they were going to kill him off, but they did!
And for those of you who watched Wednesday's episode, the visual of his corpse caught under the ice was pretty morbid for a soap!
Alas, it was definitely time to say Bye Bye Bradley!
Brad used to be so cool, so hardcore and they turned his character into a pathetic, Sharon-cashing, spineless wimp.
I'm glad they at least killed him off with dignity.
For those of you who don't know, after Brad stalked Sharon up to her soon to be ex husband's cabin, he confessed (what everyone including Sharon already knew) his undying love for her.
Sharon was not feeling it, and poor Bradley was brutally rebuffed. Ouch.
As Brad left the cabin (with his tail between his legs) he came across some car trouble and popped the hood to see what the problem was. It was then that he heard Noah (Sharon's son who had snuck up north with his annoying, forbidden girlfriend, Eden) crying for help. He had fallen through the ice.
Brad rushed to save him, and as Brad pulled Noah out (just a few seconds shy of hypothermia), he plunged to his own death.

Way to make an exit!

R.I.P Brad Carlton (played by Don Diamont from 1985-2009)

Nail Salon

This is hilarious!

My Controversial Facebook Note

One stormy Wednesday morning (last week) I suddenly became inspired to write a note on Facebook, completely spewing my emotions and true stance on people in my life.

Well, this note caused quite a stir.

I was suddenly receiving texts from people I barely speak to asking which side of the fence they're on in my books.
While texting my roommate to offer her a ride home from work, she accused me of writing it about her and her boyfriend.

I even had a couple of my friends questioning my feelings about them.

I found this all very interesting.

I found that the only people who this note had a negative effect on,

are the exact same people who have a negative effect on me.

Did it cause dramas? Always!

Do I care? Absolutely not.

This was the best note I've ever written, and despite the bad,

I had a lot of amazing response as well.

Please see below:

MISS-UNDERSTOOD, TRUE BLUES, TOXIC PEOPLE....
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 11:32am |

YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!


Put yourself in my shoes. I live in a world where nothing is black and white.
Everyone around me is only out for #1.
Maybe that's the way it should be? I'm not sure.
That is not the way that I am. I am a people pleaser.
I tend to put the needs of my friends and the people I love before my own.

BIG MISTAKE.

I am learning this more and more lately. Your friends (in most cases) are not all
TRUE BLUES.

There are always going to be other people swaying them who are more important than you are to them, or closer to them, or cooler to them.
Where does that leave you?
It leaves you S.O.L.
We all make mistakes.
We all make bad choices.
We all have feelings and we are all entitled to feel every last one of them, good or bad.

Why is it, that for someone like me, who is so nice, so forgiving, such a TRUE friend to anyone I let into my life, good or bad; I am constantly turned on, constantly bashed, constantly made to feel badly?
Oh, right. It's because I am a drama queen, so I deserve anything bad that comes to me.... Well, guess what?? SCREW YOU!

To all of you people who I have described above, (and it is not just 1 person) you all know who you are, so DO NOT ask me if this is about you.

If you read this and you think it sounds like you, that's because it IS you, and this is the type of character you are.


If you don't really care about my feelings, if you aren't there for me when I'm sad, if you don't defend me to the end no matter what I do wrong... Then you are not my friend and I am not yours.

Just because I am nice to you, it doesn't mean I don't know who you really are.
TRUE COLORS- They always come out.

Now maybe you are wondering what a TRUE FRIEND is.
My definition of a true friend is the following:


A True Friend


Is someone you can confide in, you can call them at any hour of the night without a second thought. They understand you and always have your best interest at heart. They think about you and care about how you're doing. A true friend makes no excuses of having work or appointments or anything but will be with you whenever you need him/her. In your hour of desperation, a true friend will support you even if the whole world opposes you. Another important trait of such relations is that we are not much worried about exposing ourselves. We speak about everything in our mind without worrying about what our friends will think. We are sure that they will take our talk in the spirit it was made. We are unguarded and open with friends in our talk.


Now this is not a note of attack, and this is not a note to call out all of the assholes in the world, this note is for anyone who has ever felt taken advantage of, alone and at the center of bad situations with no one behind you.
YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE BEHIND YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

Keep your close friends near and dear, because they are very hard to find.
Know who you can trust and who has your back, no matter what. If you aren't sure if you can trust them, or that they care, you can't and they don't.
Plain and simple.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an extremist.
When I'm happy it's ecstatic.
When I'm sad, I'm really low.
When I'm angry, it's fire.
This is me, so either LOVE me or LEAVE ME ALONE.

People who leach on to other people's shit and FREELOAD, that makes me sick too.
So all you mooches, losers, slackers, you can disappear too.
If you know people like that, run for your life. They will suck the life out of you!
You will recognize people like that if they:
Never have money, you always have to pay for them, they seem helpless in every situation, they do nothing, they act like they feel bad taking from you, but they always accept what you have to give them.

Today I am setting the record straight, if it was ambiguous in the past, it is crystal clear now.
I am a great person, I am blessed to have so many wonderful people surrounding me.
And if I am your friend, you are blessed too, because I am an amazing friend to have.

Thank you to: Angel, Ileana, Helen, Zee, Judy, Katika and all of my MAC SHERWAY FAMILY for being God-sent into my life. You are some of the most special people I have ever met and I cherish my friendship with every one of you.

Thank you to Davin for being my rock, remaining loyal and forgiving no matter what I do. I'm so glad we're friends. You are the best guy I know.

Thank you for Deanna for reminding me that people are only out for #1 and encouraging me to rise above it. You are beautiful inside and out, Girl!

I love you guys.
Peace Out.




Ashley T at 11:36am January 28
Aw Tass this is so nice!!!! Love you too!! I'm glad you realize that not everyone is like you, you're a great girl! Don't let anyone bring you down!!xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ashley T at 12:07pm January 28
ps. Listen to "Can't Take That Away" by Mariah... that should be our theme song!!! LOL

Tassja at 12:18pm January 28
I used to listen to that song everyday in Grade 10 and cry! lol

Genevieve B. at 12:20pm January 28
Ugh, I've seen you grow SO much and can't ever express to you how proud I am of you (you little fucker!) even though you confuse me sometimes, you have always been there for me and you know that if there's ever anything I can do for you or anywhere I can be for you that I'll do whatevs in my power to be there, mothafuckaaaaaa! You have come a long way and I'm glad we met. x's and o's x 100.

Genevieve B. at 12:21pm January 28
p.s. Signed, Kenny.

Tassja at 12:22pm January 28
LOL Kenny!!!! Awww!!

Michelle at 1:54pm January 28
Wow!!! Tass, I completely hear u and feel you on this!!! it's SOO hard to find TRUE BLUES!!!!

Keep Shinning GURL!!!!

Jenny at 2:06pm January 28
Hey Tass

Love ya! Remember what I always tell you certain friends keep an arms distance away minimum. True Blues keep close to you as possible. They are hard to find but the best thing in a gals life. As you get older what I'm saying will become clearer and clearer.

kisses
xoxoxox

J

Mark G at 7:00pm January 28
What did I do?????

Ashleigh H at 8:45pm January 28
aww munchkin!! xxo

Faye P at 8:55pm January 28
Even though I don't see you or talk to you everyday Tass.. I love you....
♥

Natalie C at 9:32pm January 28
Even though we r like ying and yang everything u think I probably don't love about u, I adore.
I'm still in the process of learning how to be a true friend due to my issues with trust but I have definately learned a lot from u over this year and a half.
U r such a lover and its beautiful and I wish their were more people like u.

Keep singing, loving y&r, keep being the biggest britney fan ever,
just stay beautiful and sweet.
Cause even though u might not think so, I love u for 100 percent of who u r.

Xoxo

Nat

Kam at 10:33pm January 28
OMG!! This was so beautiful!! I love u girl, u know u are my sista fo life!!! This was greatly written!!! Be 100% u!!! Tell those vampires to "suck themselves".....(thats what us jamaicans say..lol)

anyway luv ya

from the other black girl

KAM

Ashley H at 1:43am January 29
love you, buttercup. x.

Nelia S at 7:31am January 29
biscuit.... i'm so proud of you for finally speaking your mind! Know ALWAYS that i will be one of your fans (and i'm not talking just about your singing),
You have always been true and i love you just the way you are...
XOXO
FFL (friends for life)

you know... the sherway crew always got your back gurl;)

Angel at 11:20pm January 29
HaHa That top pic is so appropriate!!
I love you tassi you are the one constant in my life, no matter how much i try to hide fight run! you always see right through to my heart and can always pic me up. There has never been a time you weren't there for me NEVER! i could never put into words how important you are to me, how many times you have saved me.
Tassja, You are extreme, crazy (i mean loco!) beautiful, intuitive, inspirational, You are SPECIAL! there is no one in this world that could even begin to scratch the surface of how amazing you are. What some may see as your faults i see as just some of the shit that makes you, YOU! and i love you! everything about you!
I hope that you will never let all the scoundrels of the world taint your pure heart.

I love you tassja, thank you for being in my life.

Anyone who thinks this chic is anything less then a Goddess of love (all the meanings of love)

You are sadly mistaken! and well....your a fukin IDIOT!

xoxoxoxxox bella!

BFF

Erica S at 12:06pm January 30
Good for you Tassja for speaking your mind. I don't see you often but when I do I love being around you because you are a kind, genuine and all around cool chick. You have good energy and definitely do not need negative people in your life. Like I said to you at Christmas - always follow your heart and do what makes YOU happy.
xo,
E

JessiKa V at 1:03am February 2
Big hugs Tass. ♥



Jolene
January 28 at 3:51pm
I know I don't know you very well and have never spent any time with you (except passing eachother in elementary hallways) but I read your not on toxic people and true friends and it really affected me. I wanna give you an old fashioned hi five cause it was very well writtin and so honest. I feel the same and that's probably why I don't have many close friends. It's hard to find people you can truly trust who honestly want to see you succeed with shining colours. Good for you for writing such a great note, everyone can benefit from reading it. So yeah, just wanted to say 'Go Girl!!' and of course the hi five to go along with it! lol.
anyhow, have a great day, week year etc. I'm surprised we never hung out in our younger years, we probably woulda made pretty good friends. Anyhow, ttyl hun.
Jolene


Cristina
January 28 at 7:18pm
Hey Love,

I know that I'm in and out of things because of my busy life. I just want you to know that no matter how busy things get, I always think of you and will forever love you. NOTHING can ever change that because I know that you have a good heart and are a TRUE BLUE.

lots of love,
xoxoxoox
Cristina



Michelle Heavenly Gabriel
January 30 at 7:11pm
Hey Gurl, u have truly inspsired me!!! I had to steal some things from your note , to let some people know how i feel thanks..

Your so courageous!!

Thanks,
Michelle
Muah..